The Pigeon Chronicles version Four Point Five
by samthecg
Summary: Another ficcage moment has been brought to you by sprinky. Please read. You'll laugh. I promise. Or your money back.


A Stupid Story - 4.5  
  
By Sprinky.  
  
Yay! Ficcage! You are happy right? Well you should be. Cause this is a fic! And I'm a fic writer. Who has watched a bit too much ER today, and so in turn has decided to fic write, just to make the first season DVDs last longer. (I've had them since the end of August and it's now November. I've seen 18 episodes, I think. Well, I just saw Full Moon, Saturday Night. Yeah.) Right, so you're happy. I'm coked up. It's all good.  
  
I am dedicating this fic to Anna, the psychoticness goddess, because I said I would. And because she totally rocks and said she missed my fic. I'm also dedicating this to Magoo cause she's so cool. Those two are my magnificant betas. ::hugs:: You guys are so the best. And the BTWB board will stay alive! Yes!  
  
Right, just to clear things up, I haven't finished the fourth pigeon story, but this is the next one. Since it won't focus on any ER member, and everyone isn't still at the vebding machine, I can't really call this the fifth one. So see this as... separate from the other ones. Because it is. It just has a lot of pigeon okay? (It's cause I know how much you guys love him.)  
  
***  
  
Yes, I still will include these. Totally pointless, but I love em. So here. I present you with...::cues the trumpets::... The disclaimer!  
  
My mom: Samantha is so great for writing like this! It's so great! But she didn't come up with the characters from ER. Too bad. She's so great!  
  
Sam: Thanks. ::hides and whispers:: Sorry about that. Skeery, I know. But Melly didn't show up. Figures. I mean, she's too scared to call my house! That's weird. (Hint, hint to you Melly!)  
  
***  
  
It's dark, cold, rainy, and an altogether miserable halloween this year. A few groups of persistant, (And annoying!) little kids roam the streets in hopes of more candy, but many have gone home.  
  
A few hours later, only one lonesome trick-or-treater remains. His name? Pigeon.  
  
Pigeon: Caw! The lights are still on at... ::counts::... 15 houses! That I haven't been to yet! This is great! Free candy. Nobody else taking it. Sam having left so she can't throw coke cans at me. Wow. I love Halloween!  
  
Pigeon goes to the first house on his right, dragging the heavy pillowcase behind him. He rings the door bell.  
  
Scary old woman: Why hello!  
  
Pigeon: Trick or treat!  
  
Scary old woman: Sure! Here you are! ::She hands pigeon a butterfinger. A whole one::  
  
Pigeon: Thanks scary old woman! Wow! A whole butterfinger! I have to rub this in peoples' faces! Like Chen! She bugs me. This will make her mad. Hmm... But how will I get to County? Shit.  
  
At that moment, pigeon gets very sad, because he can't show off his good fortune. So he sits down on the wet pavement and eats. All of his candy. Which is a lot. Like I said, he eats. And he keeps eating. Until one lone chocolate bar remains. His butterfinger.  
  
Pigeon: Aww... Everyone's turned off their lights now and I only have my butterfinger left. Oh well. I'll eat it.  
  
So he rips open the butterfinger and is about to take a bite when he hears somebody talking.  
  
Wrapper: Hey! Over here!  
  
Pigeon: Who is that?  
  
Wrapper: The butterfinger wrapper, dumbass.  
  
Pigeon: Oh, okay.  
  
Wrapper: I'll grant you three wishes.  
  
Pigeon: Cool!  
  
Wrapper: There are a few rules though. Just watch Alladin and you'll know what I'm saying.  
  
Pigeon: Can I have more wishes?  
  
Wrapper: No.  
  
Pigeon: Oh. Okay... Can I have more wishes?  
  
Wrapper: No.  
  
Pigeon: Why not?  
  
Wrapper: Because.  
  
Pigeon: Oh... Can I have more wishes?  
  
Wrapper: No.  
  
Pigeon: Why not?  
  
Wrapper: Because.  
  
Pigeon: Oh... Can I have more wishes?  
  
Wrapper: No.  
  
Pigeon: Why not?  
  
Wrapper: Because.  
  
Pigeon: Oh... Can I have more wishes?  
  
Wrapper: No.  
  
Pigeon: Why not?  
  
Wrapper: Because.  
  
Pigeon: Oh... Can I have more wishes? Wrapper: You must be able to think up something else!  
  
Pigeon: Um.. Oh yeah! I wanted to go to County General Hospital!  
  
Wrapper: Do you wish that?  
  
Pigeon: Yep! Bring me there!  
  
Wrapper: But can't you just fly there? I mean, it's maybe... 100 meters away.  
  
Pigeon: Are you SERIOUS?! That takes effort! And if you haven't noticed, I just ate about five times my body weight in candy! I can barely move!  
  
Wrapper: Than why don't you wish for mobility?  
  
Pigeon: Okay. Do that.  
  
The wrapper makes this strange crunch noise while making pigeon's fat disappear. The crunch noise went on for quite awhile, but pigeon still was really fat.  
  
Wrapper: ::out of breath:: (Do wrappers even breathe? Hmm...) My *breathes* God. That's *breathes* impossible.  
  
Pigeon: So does that wish still count?  
  
Wrapper: I guess not.  
  
Pigeon: Woot! So I still have three wishes?  
  
Wrapper: Yeah... ::thinking:: What will he come up with? I'm scared.  
  
Pigeon: I wish for... you to bring me to County.  
  
Wrapper: Well, I don't know if I can lift you up...  
  
Pigeon: Try!  
  
Wrapper: Fine.  
  
So for the next... oh about, 5 hours, the wrapper tried to get pigeon off the ground. He was making a little headway. Pigeon's now about 99 meters away from county. Then, just as wrapper is about to call in some back up, Gallant walks out of the ER and sees pigeon there, looking somewhat like a turkey.  
  
Gallant: Whoa! (He said it pronouncing the a. I know. Weird.) Pigeon? Is that you?  
  
Pigeon: Uh, yeah.  
  
Gallant: Need some help?  
  
Pigeon: That would be nice.  
  
So Gallant runs back into the ER, recruits about 40 people and comes back to pick pigeon up, one of which being crow.  
  
Crow: BAWK! Everyone! We need to get him inside because... umm...  
  
Pigeon: I'll die in the cold, autumn wind? With icicles dangling off my beak and my eyes frozen shut? And I died because of severe hypothermia?  
  
Crow: Um... No. Because it's entertaining to torture you and we can't do that if you're dead.  
  
Pigeon: Oh... That's so nice.  
  
Gallant: Well, we better get him inside! Then we can figure out how to make him skinnier.  
  
Neela: I've never seen someone gain so much weight in an hour.  
  
Gallant: Tachnically, he's not somebody. He's somepigeon.  
  
Susan: Whatever. We need to get him inside.  
  
So as a group effort, everyone goes to one side of pigeon and starts to roll him over. Although he's very heavy, his spheracle shape helps move him quite a bit.  
  
Wrapper: Wow. You guys are great.  
  
Gallant: It was mostly brute force.  
  
Wrapper: That I don't have.  
  
Gallant: Right.  
  
Pigeon: What are you waiting for?  
  
Neela: We've got you pretty far and you're still moving. We aren't waiting for anything.  
  
Pigeon: Come on! It's obvious! You belong together!  
  
Gallant: What do you mean?  
  
Pigeon: You need to kiss. And put that storage closet to good use.  
  
Neela: Well... um... ::She's blushing like crazy. As if somebody put red lipstick all over her cheeks::  
  
Gallant: What the hell! ::He pulls her to him and they kiss. And it's adorible::  
  
Crow: Woot!  
  
Pigeon: True dat.  
  
So far, all is going well. Pigeon is getting closer to the ER entrance. Everyone is trying to think of ways to make him skinnier. Except Gallant and Neela. They're thinking about the next chance they have to get to that storage closet. Or the handicap bathroom. Or the empty exam room. Really, anywhere free of people works. Cause Gallant is horny. He hasn't had a love interest since like forever. Poor guy. And he's so adorible too! Well, maybe he needs to get rid of the goatee. Other than that... Well, everything is nice in the ER. For now. Do di dooooo!!! (That was supposed to be scary music.)  
  
***  
  
There's the first of probably many chapters. I decided that I'll finish the 4th one now though. It deserves to be ended. I have a window open and everything! So expect the end of the fourth one in the near future. Well, maybe. Don't hold your breath. I take my time. Cause I'm allowed, being the crazy fic girl and all. You love me, I know.  
  
(All of the quotes that you think are from Teen Girl Squad, are from Teen Girl Squad. I love that. "The ugly one! Hygene?" I've seen them many times.)  
  
So go read my other ficcage in the mean time. Cause it's funny the second time. Trust me. You might want a coke first though.  
  
Sam the coke goddess  
  
(Oh my God! I forgot to tell you to review! Review. It's not that hard. If you review, I'll... give you pigeon.  
  
Pigeon: Hey! You can't give me away!  
  
Sam: Why not? You're mine. I only own you and crow. I write stuff about other things I don't have. So I can't give them away. Only you and crow. And crow is in my backpack. Which leaves you.  
  
Pigeon: Hmph.) 


End file.
